Mother Fucker

So, a lot has happened since my last entry as you can tell by my title, it's probably not good and by the color of my text, I am not Happy. So, lets see, Emersen had her 5 year birthday party which my mom didn't attend and looking back now I realize there was a definate pattern going on with all that. My birthday rolled around again as it does every year each one coming around faster and faster. So, my birthday fell on a Saturday and Jenn was having a Twilight watching party for me on Saturday night, so we decided to do something small at the house with the kids. Charlie had to work late and couldn't be there, so it was just me and the kids. I invited mom repeatedly and called daily with reminders, even offered to go out and pick her up. Again, she declined. So, the next morning she called me, sounded exhausted, wishing me a Happy Birthday. She went on to whine about not getting a big, beautiful present, but would try to come by at some point that day, but she had to go to the courthouse first and look into something. So, after a little poking and prodding about what was going on at the courthouse on a Saturday, she proceeded to tell me that Denise called her at 3am from jail (again) for a DWI and possession of marijuana. My mom felt like she had to do everything in her power to get her out. I was quite irritated at this point that Denise was getting the attention for my birthday. I am usually very low maintenance and don't require much attention, but this particular day, it stung me for some reason or another. Maybe because deep inside I blame Denise for my brothers suicide, she just kicked him while he was down instead of supporting him while he started his own business, the fact that she has refused to change her lifestyle in any way since his death and has been a completely irresponsible single mother to my niece. (That's just to name a few).
So I did make it clear to my mom that I was upset with her for enabling Denise again, that Denise needed to learn a lesson and sit in her mistake for awhile instead of everyone bailing her out all of the time. She will never learn accountability this way. I also made it clear that we could not or would not help her with this, it would have been different if it was a one time mistake and she was actually trying to get on the right path, but she's not at all and never has lifted a fucking finger to do so. Not even for her own daughter. Sure enough, mom was a no-show and to be honest, I was hurt. But I refuse to dwell on things like that and I went on with my day and had a great Twilight watching party at Jenn's. Over the next few weeks, it seemed as though mom was not calling as much and was avoiding family functions more and more. Although she would call the kids when SHE was feeling lonely, ya know, to make herself feel better. So, Easter rolled around and I really tied to stay in contact with her, but she had a house/ pet sitting job she was doing for like a week and a half, she said there phones were set up to a fax and we couldn't call in, so she would call us periodically and I reminded her about Easter every time we spoke to make sure she was going to be able to make it, the kids really missed her. She said she was going to be working there until Easter night, and these people really didn't even want her to leave the house but for a few minutes at a time. OK, that sounded very SHADY. So sure enough she didn't come to see the whole family that gets together only around this time of year anymore.
(I know this is painfully long, but believe me, this is the short version)
So, later that evening Charlie and I were looking over our bills and decided to pay a few on-line while we were there. Charlie noticed there was a $4,000.00 transfer out of our savings account to another account, it shows the last 4 digits of the account number it went in to. So, we did some backtracking and that transfer was done on March 21, 2009, my birthday. We had transferred some money into my mom's account not too long before that so I had her account number, and low and behold it MATCHED. This is where my title for this blog comes in. I immediately called her and came right out and asked her if she could have possibly done this. She very plainly and stone cold admitted it and felt very justified in doing so. I couldn't even breathe, I hung up the phone. Charlie and I were pacing in disbelief, all of the puzzle pieces fitting together now. My whole life flashed before my eyes with glimpses of her manipulating me in ways I never even thought possible. Did she manipulate my father by getting pregnant with me so late in his life just so he wouldn't leave her?? All of the times she made me go to the store with her while she was intoxicated so that when we drove up the alley I could ready myself with her newly purchased jug of White Zinfandel, I would walk up to the garage door and she would hit the opener, as soon as I could, I would sneak under the door before my dad had a chance to come out and see what she bought, and I would hide it somewhere in the garage. Thinking back now, really, how fucked is that?! I remember my dad almost religiously coming out to the garage every time she came home and having to lie to him when he asked why I had already gotten out of the car before she even pulled into the garage. I always said something like, there wasn't enough room to open the car door or whatever seemed appropriate at the moment. Thanks mom, for raising me while drunk, for one. For putting my life in danger day after day while being behind the wheel intoxicated every time, I remember getting into several fender benders and being embarrassed and scared to death. Oh, yes and for actually teaching me TO lie. That's some awesome parenting, there. Thank God I turned out more like my father, who didn't put up with any bullshit, one of the reasons I think he was blackmailed into staying with her. I recently got an e-mail from my best-est friend Melissa, which read:

Some people come into your life for a reason, a season or lifetime, but no matter what that may be, it will be a learning experience.

So, be as it may, my mom was in my life for a season, a definate learning experience, not anything I wish on my worst enemy.....well maybe Denise. To have your whole life as you know it, be sugar-coated and picture perfect in your mind and then to have it ripped out from underneath you is a slap in the face with a reality nobody should have to endure. All of this time I thought I have been pretty forgiving about everything and including granting Denise up until now a lifetime of grace. She has since sent threatening e-mails and texts to me. They have dwindled a little bit. I refuse to respond to her or my mother at all. They are both toxic and I don't want my family around any of that.

After we found out mom did this, we immediately moved Damien out with us. I couldn't see being able to be a part of his life the way I need to be when I refuse to see or speak to the person he's living with. It just wasn't workable. It wasn't a healthy situation for anyone to live with.

So, that's it really, in a really giant sized nutshell.